2 days ago
How To Bounce Back After Harsh Feedback In Your Mid-Year Review
Even when you're hitting your goals, harsh feedback can make you feel like a failure. Here's how to process it, protect your confidence, and move forward.
She hit 120% of her goals. She showed up every day. She led through transitions, leadership changes, and received glaring feedback from coworkers. But when her mid-year review came around, none of that was mentioned. Instead, the feedback focused on how she 'didn't do things the way they wanted.' No acknowledgment. No encouragement. Just pressure to do more.
If you've ever walked out of a performance review feeling deflated, unseen, or even traumatized, you're not alone.
In today's numbers-driven culture, feedback often skips over the human behind the performance. And when that happens, it can shake your confidence and your motivation. But it doesn't have to break you.
1) Normalize the Emotional Impact of the Harsh Feedback
'Just do better,' 'you're not up to par,' or 'your presentations don't look professional.'
Sound familiar? That's not feedback but a recipe for burnout.
Too often, reviews focus on what's wrong without acknowledging what's working. They zero in on metrics and results while brushing off the effort, the growth, and the context behind the numbers. This kind of vague, overly critical feedback doesn't motivate improvement, it leaves people feeling deflated and emotionally unsafe.
In my book We Culture I explain that effective feedback should focus on a person's dreams and desired future — not just their deficiencies. When feedback highlights what's lacking, it activates the brain's defensive systems. But when it's rooted in possibilities and strengths, it opens the door to real, lasting change.
No wonder a single harsh review can lead to spiraling thoughts, self-doubt, and emotional shutdown, especially if you're a high achiever who already puts enormous pressure on yourself.
You're not being too sensitive. You're not overreacting. It's normal to feel sad, frustrated, or even angry. But this is the moment to pause and remind yourself: their words are just one perspective. They don't define your worth, and they're not the whole truth.
2) Don't Internalize It, Filter it
You can be doing everything right and still feel like you're falling short, not because you are, but because your environment isn't built to recognize your worth. In today's employer-driven market, with fewer opportunities and more pressure, many managers focus on metrics and overlook effort.
If your review didn't acknowledge any positives, it doesn't mean they don't exist. It likely means the person giving the feedback wasn't equipped (or willing) to deliver it constructively. Don't confuse poor delivery with personal failure.
Filter the harsh feedback: Focus on what was said, not how. Take what's useful. Leave the rest.
3) Reclaim Your Narrative
Here's what you can do when no one else is advocating for you:
Write Your Own Review: List what you're proud of this year. Include both quantitative and qualitative wins. Use this to reset your confidence and fuel future conversations. Furthermore, you don't need to wait for the mid-year review to do it, you can do it every day, even with little wins
Document the Obstacles: If external factors affected your performance, capture them in writing.
Document the wins: also document your wins, the impact your work generated (hard and soft benefits) and any reviews or positive comments from your peers.
4) Get Curious, Not Crushed
If you feel like the review lacked clarity, consider booking a follow-up meeting with your manager or someone in leadership. Frame it not as a rebuttal, but as a curiosity-driven conversation:If there's no clear answer, that tells you something, too.
5) Take One Step Forward
Like I always say on my ABCD of self-talk tool, the last step is to do something about it. Don't think of the harsh feedback as a mountain; just take one step at a time.
That step might be:
Small steps rebuild your confidence and focus on something that is within your control.
Harsh feedback can knock the wind out of you. But it doesn't define you. If they can't see your worth, you can still claim it. Advocate for yourself. Track your wins. Set boundaries. And remember: just because they didn't acknowledge your strengths, doesn't mean they aren't there. Shine on!
